A few months ago, I turned 55 years old. Ever since I turned 50 signs of age have been creeping in at a rate that is alarming to me. Nothing severe like Dementia or early onset Alzheimer as far as I know but things like the following;
1. Keep forgetting where I put my beer or anything else I handle
2. Inexplicably losing my balance, usually while looking for my beer
3. Aches and pains that that don’t seem to go away
4. Getting up more than once a night to go to the bathroom
5. Forgetting people’s names who are actually close friends
6. Non-stop minor injuries that used to heal in days that now take weeks or months
I will end the list at six instead of my usual eleven since I do not want to be that old person who complains about everything.
All this is no big deal to me, I feel quite youthful and I am in decent shape. I am by no means a geriatric or at least I thought until this came in the mail addressed to me.
How dare these MF’ers to send this to me! How did I get on their list? God knows it was not my wife since that would delay her life with Javier the pool boy. I will risk dying alone from a fall and have my body eaten by stray animals before I ever buy their product. They can stick their $50 gift certificate where the sun doesn’t shine. I hope they detect my insolence. I will, however, forward it onto my Dad.