It is only with love in my heart that I list these since I was dumbfounded to find out I qualify to live among Geriatrics. I was at my Dad’s trailer home retirement community (He owns a double-wide) and saw a sign at their softball field indicating the league was for 50 year or older players only. I’m currently, and for the foreseeable future, over qualified to join the league. In addition, I’m an established member of AARP. Realizing that I don’t need to be 65 years old to live with people I used to call old farts, these tips are suddenly important to me and will be useful whatever your age.
Top 11 Ways to Assimilate With The Geriatrics in Florida.
1. Immediately develop an attitude that you’re owed something just because you’re old.
2. Complain about everything.
3. Run your scooter into or over anything remotely in your way including other people.
4. Pull out a shit load of coupons at the cash register of any store regardless of whether they apply to what you are buying and demand that discount.
5. Besides driving slowly in the left lane which is a prerequisite for being over 65 you will need to lower and push forward your driver’s seat as far as possible so that you can lick the steering wheel thus barely see over the dash. If you really want to impress, put your windshield wipers on even when it’s not raining and activate your hazards.
6. When ordering dinner at a restaurant (well before 4:30) make sure you change the order in so many ways that it won’t even resemble what the meal is supposed to be.
7. Neutral colors are out. Go loud or go home.
8. Aimlessly wander across busy streets and then look at honking motorists as if they are crazy
9. Wear inappropriate clothes/swim suits, huge wraparound sunglasses and even larger hats.
10. Never buy stationary since all note taking can be done on free paper provided by a myriad of prescription drug companies.
11. Start a riot during Bingo by breaking these rules.