Top 11 Geriatric Assimilation Tips

It is only with love in my heart that I list these since I was dumbfounded to find out I qualify to live among Geriatrics. I was at my Dad’s trailer home retirement community (He owns a double-wide) and saw a sign at their softball field indicating the league was for 50 year or older players only.  I’m currently, and for the foreseeable future, over qualified to join the league. In addition, I’m an established member of AARP. Realizing that I don’t need to be 65 years old to live with people I used to call old farts, these tips are suddenly important to me and will be useful whatever your age.




Top 11 Ways to Assimilate With The Geriatrics in Florida.

1.       Immediately develop an attitude that you’re owed something just because you’re old.

2.       Complain about everything.

3.       Run your scooter into or over anything remotely in your way including other people.

4.       Pull out a shit load of coupons at the cash register of any store regardless of whether they apply to what you are buying and demand that discount.

5.       Besides driving slowly in the left lane which is a prerequisite for being over 65 you will need to lower and push forward your driver’s seat as far as possible so that you can lick the steering wheel thus barely see over the dash.  If you really want to impress, put your windshield wipers on even when it’s not raining and activate your hazards.

6.       When ordering dinner at a restaurant (well before 4:30) make sure you change the order in so many ways that it won’t even resemble what the meal is supposed to be.

7.       Neutral colors are out.  Go loud or go home.

8.       Aimlessly wander across busy streets and then look at honking motorists as if they are crazy

9.       Wear inappropriate clothes/swim suits,  huge wraparound sunglasses and even larger hats.

10.     Never buy stationary since all note taking can be done on free paper provided by a myriad of prescription drug companies.

11.     Start a riot during Bingo by breaking these rules.


It’s All About Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.  Who the heck is the Bob behind and do you really want to know?  Anyway………

My name is Bob and I’ve been told I joke too much.  The naming of my website came from my trip to Nepal when after the first couple of days trekking to the Mt. Everest Base Camp our Sherpa Guide, Limbu, confided in my friend the following; “Bob is a nice guy but Bob Joke Too Much”.  Once he started to understand and/or tolerate my sarcasm (maybe 21 days in) we became good friends and supporters of his guide business.  So it all worked out but now my friend tends to remind me of that quote when I go too far with my satirical humor.

Anyway......I was born a poor black child of a sharecropper on the front porch of my home in the Mississippi Delta.  Not buying that?  OK, just a middle class, blue collar kid in an all-white, Irish Catholic neighborhood boarding the Southwest side of Chicago.  One of seven children raised by a normal Mom and Dad who obviously believed the Catholic Church recommendation of the Rhythm Method as an effective form of contraception.  My Wife, two boys and I live in Chicago.

Observing and experiencing life since 1963.  I have been extensively educated at Father Mulsoff Industrial School for Incorrigible Kid’s, Brother Duffin High School for Vulnerable Boys and The Institute for Applied Nonsense.  Note that even though the 1st two schools had known molesters as “teachers”, I was never once approached for molestation in spite of the fact that I was very susceptible, small, skinny and weak boy.  Due to current litigation against the Catholic Church for discrimination, that’s all I can say on the subject.

I have no qualifications for being a writer.  However, this will not stop me from publishing many of the yearly 17,000 thoughts that pop into my mind on the website and anywhere else. I will cover topics including parenting, gun control, donkeys, idiots, politics, religion, racism and any other controversial subjects I find worthy in an attempt of provoking laughs, stimulating deep thinking and/or just pissing off the politically correct with my satirical prose.  My thoughts and opinions will appear on my website and all other social media outlets no matter how much a waste of time until I die.