Of Mice & Men; How To Kill A Mouse In 27 Days Or Less

“I think I saw a mouse!”  This is the phrase my wife hysterically screamed at me on what was day 1 of my great mouse hunt.  While I’m no fan of rodents, my thought was that at least it was not a rat.  In spite of my opinion, my wife demanded blood in spite of the fact she “Thought” she saw a mouse.  How do you think you saw a mouse?  It seems it would be self-evident but I guess not when you are suffering hysterical blindness.  So in spite of the fact that a mouse is about 3,000 smaller than your average human, approximately 2,999 times smaller than my svelte wife, the hunt was on.

As with any directive from my wife, procrastination is not an option.  I scurried to my favorite home improvement store to buy a mouse trap.  To my surprise, there were at least 20 different types of traps with a multitude of ways to end the little vermin’s life.  So as the great hunter that I am, I bought everyone except the human options since if this sucker is going to cause me to miss my eight hour a day addiction to SportsCenter it's going to suffer.


When I got home, I proudly displayed my array of traps to my wife.  Some being the traditional medieval guillotine type trap, a little mouse house you can’t get out of trap kind of like that reality show Little House Nation but for mice, a sticky trap they apparently are not strong enough to free themselves from so they drag it around like a ball and chain until they die, etc.  Game on my little friend.

Once I set all of the traps in the manufacturer recommended locations with the proper bait throughout my house.  I used peanut butter, a store bought liquid bait in case the mouse does not like peanut butter and I even put the cream middle of an oral cookie on a few traps for the choosiest mouse.  The waiting game was on!  With my ADD at high levels, I eagerly anticipated a kill within a few minutes of setting the last of twenty-three traps.  Little did I know that I was going to need the patience of Job and a shit load of ADD drugs and alcohol to get me through the hunt.

Days 1 through 7.  Not a damn thing.  I moved around the traps quite a bit to no avail.  Still nothing.

Days 8 through 14.  My wife saw the little sucker again.  I’m starting to think she has mouse Munchausen syndrome by proxy since not one else has seen it and it appears this mouse is not happy with our offerings.  Not a damn thing.

Days 15 through 21.  I’m pretty sure this mouse is on a hunger strike the likes that only Gandhi could accomplish.  However, on day eighteen by wife found a dead mouse, unfortunately, is was outside.  I tried to tell her that must have been the guy since I have not sealed up every entry point into the house probably locked him out.  The hunt is over but just for the hell of it but really because my wife was not buying my tale of “lockout” that we left them in place.

Days 22 through 23.  We are having family over and still nothing in the traps.  I feel as though my wife is starting to thinking I’m right about the locked out mouse but the reality is we are having guests over for a party so my Martha Steward wannabe has me take up all the traps.  Done deal, back to Sports Center I thought.

Well, that was my great mouse hunt and all is right with the world.  I have added the manufacturers of these mouse traps to my list of companies I would sue since how the heck can’t you get a starving mouse to eat any of that bait?  I had my consumer product attorney ready to unload an onslaught of lawsuits. Then I smelled something, worse yet my wife smelled something.  I just wrote the smell off for a day as the dog or one of my kids.  Then on the next day, the smell was even worse.  As we searched for the source, my wife found our uninvited guest perfectly guillotined in our traditional mousetrap, one that I apparently missed picking up.  Success!!!  The great mouse hunter has been vindicated. Unfortunately, my lawsuits have been weakened and I’m guessing they will defend themselves by saying that 27 days is a reasonable time for success.  Obviously, they have never been married.  


Do you know any other creative ways to kill mice?  Let me know.



It’s All About Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.  Who the heck is the Bob behind BobJokeTooMuch.com....edy and do you really want to know?  Anyway………

My name is Bob and I’ve been told I joke too much.  The naming of my website came from my trip to Nepal when after the first couple of days trekking to the Mt. Everest Base Camp our Sherpa Guide, Limbu, confided in my friend the following; “Bob is a nice guy but Bob Joke Too Much”.  Once he started to understand and/or tolerate my sarcasm (maybe 21 days in) we became good friends and supporters of his guide business.  So it all worked out but now my friend tends to remind me of that quote when I go too far with my satirical humor.

Anyway......I was born a poor black child of a sharecropper on the front porch of my home in the Mississippi Delta.  Not buying that?  OK, just a middle class, blue collar kid in an all-white, Irish Catholic neighborhood boarding the Southwest side of Chicago.  One of seven children raised by a normal Mom and Dad who obviously believed the Catholic Church recommendation of the Rhythm Method as an effective form of contraception.  My Wife, two boys and I live in Chicago.

Observing and experiencing life since 1963.  I have been extensively educated at Father Mulsoff Industrial School for Incorrigible Kid’s, Brother Duffin High School for Vulnerable Boys and The Institute for Applied Nonsense.  Note that even though the 1st two schools had known molesters as “teachers”, I was never once approached for molestation in spite of the fact that I was very susceptible, small, skinny and weak boy.  Due to current litigation against the Catholic Church for discrimination, that’s all I can say on the subject.

I have no qualifications for being a writer.  However, this will not stop me from publishing many of the yearly 17,000 thoughts that pop into my mind on the www.bobjoketoomuch.com website and anywhere else. I will cover topics including parenting, gun control, donkeys, idiots, politics, religion, racism and any other controversial subjects I find worthy in an attempt of provoking laughs, stimulating deep thinking and/or just pissing off the politically correct with my satirical prose.  My thoughts and opinions will appear on my website and all other social media outlets no matter how much a waste of time until I die.